Listed

So what's next? Make lists! Contrary to popular belief, I actually deal well with pressure. I just need to cover the bases first and try to anticipate the stresses that are coming. And to do this, I list. Grocery lists, house cleaning lists, things to do on the weekend lists, packing lists...I love them. It's the only way I know how to neatly organize all the thoughts flying around in my head.

1. Timeline  There are numerous deadlines we need to set for ourselves to figure out how everything is going to come together. And with so many upcoming band gigs and other commitments, it's absolutely necessary we keep an up to date list of all the things we have going on. Booking flights, booking the hostel for our first few weeks…there's a lot to do and many people to see before September.

2. Furniture  We have had generous offers from both sets of parents and friends with basements to keep all of our possessions for the year. So this list will outline all the pieces of furniture we have and of course boxes. Then depending on space, we'll assign a home for everything.

3. Things to Buy  There are certain things we're going to need to have before we go. Like shoes. We both desperately need really good shoes or hiking boots for this trip. And then there's rain coats and umbrellas and things we use every day that we're used to and may not be able to get in the UK. Like deodorant, my make up, and soap from The Beehive. Can't do without those!

4. Packing the House  Oh man, this is going to be a doozie. The plan is to have a very accurate and very specific plan to the packing. Ideally, on every box, there will be a very detailed table of contents and a number. These numbers will then be added to a master spreadsheet that will outline where everything is packed. Not only will this make moving into a new place when we come home easier, if we need something shipped over while we're away we can tell whoever's looking exactly which box to look in. The boxes will all hopefully be the same size too since I can buy them from work. Just can’t buy them yet…they don’t know I need them!

5. Packing the Backpacks  One of the best parts of travelling is planning what to take. I love this kind of list! I’m a little worried about having to condense a whole year’s wardrobe, including a warm coat, into one – 20kg backpack each. We may have to just bite the bullet and pay the extra fee to be able to bring a large suitcase too. At least the winter there isn’t as bad as here and we won’t need quite as much heavy gear. I hope!

6. Putting Affairs in Order  Okay, so that sounds a little gloomy. But we’ll need to give notice at the house and at work, cancel Shaw and cell phones, deal with bank accounts, sell the cars, forward the mail…that kind of stuff. And there’s a lot of it! We also need to line up some form of health care for while we’re there and I have to renew my driver’s license because it will expire next April.

7. When We Get There  This is a fun one – what our first steps are going to be when we arrive in Glasgow. I’d like to have an idea of a few areas to visit to find a flat and jobs, and maybe names of people we are looking up for friends back home. And we need to find Glasgow Green and the National Piping Centre right away too.

8. Travel!  This is the most important one I think. One of the biggest reasons for going to Scotland to live and work for a year is to get to see the country and as many other places we can in Europe too. The idea of just picking a city and hopping on a train or a cheap flight to spend a weekend in say…Italy, is so, so cool. I think we both have ideas of places we’d like to see while we’re there so a list is a good place to start.

I know there’s more. I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll think of something else I need to write down and list. But for right now, eight is dauntingly enough. Thank goodness for Excel on the computer!

A is for...

I’ve been thinking about approval lately. Approval is a big word. Not in the sense of how many letters it has, there are many words that are much bigger. Like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…which, by the way, comes up in spell check. But approval is big in terms of how much meaning it holds. Through nearly every stage of my life so far, approval has played an important part.

From early on, I learned to strive for approval. I wanted to please my parents and win their praise. I don’t think I ever did it personally, but I’ve seen so many home movies of little kids in their first Christmas concert or recital waving at their parents, making sure they’re catching every move, all the while missing out on actually performing. I can remember yelling out “Watch me!” before jumping into the swimming pool off of the slide in our front yard, and when I showed off my newly learned spins from figure skating class. The approval we get from adults in these growing up years is very important. Without it we stand to live our lives constantly trying to get attention and positive feedback from those around us. But with it, we learn to face challenges and accept the approval we get with grace and humility. I think my parents did a great job making sure my brother and I received the praise we needed when we were growing up.

Like most people, I can look back now at the junior and senior high school stage of my life and see so many things that I didn’t at the time. I see now that I did all I could to glean approval from my peers. The same watch me feelings were prevalent nearly every day as I hoped that those around me liked what they saw. What I wore, the music I listened to, the style of my hair, even who I talked to and hung out with was subject to scrutiny by everyone around me – especially in such a small town. But I think I was actually lucky to grow up in that small town and to know everyone in my entire high school by name. I wasn’t part of the in crowd by any means, nor was I much of an athlete, but was fortunate to have friends who truly cared for me and I found my approval from them. Still, I look back now and see how easy it was for some people to feel ostracized and start to withdraw simply because they didn’t have the support that I did. Through those years, approval from friends, teachers, coaches, and again my parents fostered a sense of self esteem and confidence that I needed to face all the different pressures and stresses that came my way.

When I applied for SAIT, waiting for and finally getting that approval letter was always on my mind. Since it took me so long to decide what course I was going to take, I couldn’t wait to hear back. I wanted them to pick me so badly! Once I did get that letter and classes began, again my peers were important, but I was also looking for approval from my instructors. They were a very informal bunch and with such small classes they knew exactly who was missing if you dared to skip a day of class. (Which I never did. I was late or sick once or twice, but I never skipped.) There was also pressure to stay out in front and get the grades I’d need to get a job. One huge hit of approval came when an industry guest speaker gave me his business card and told me to call him instead of giving it to a fellow classmate who was pressuring him for the opportunity.

When I got my first job out of SAIT, and also my second, the old watch me feeling from childhood came back. I learned that there is a real balancing act that goes on every day in a workplace. When you do a good job, you want to be rewarded with approval from your superiors. But if you go looking for that approval you can be seen as a suck up or as insecure in your own abilities; which can make an employer skeptical of you. Plus, it seems that a lot of people who do whatever they can to get ahead and get approval from those above them often get it when they don’t deserve it. I’m lucky to work for a company that appreciates the work I do and gives me the credit for it even though it would be easy to just push me into the background. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate a compliment now and then though!

And then there’s maybe the most important kind of approval. That which we get from the people we choose as our partners. I had no idea how important it was until I met Brandon and we started building a relationship. From the moment he finally understood my signals that I wanted him to hold my hand, (hand on the knee at the movie theatre!) to now, two years later when I lean in for a kiss, I’m opening myself up and hoping for approval. It’s a very vulnerable place to be – asking him to choose me every single day. I work very hard to make sure that Brandon knows how much I approve of him. Although I may not always like or agree with everything he does or says, I always approve of the effort he puts into everything he does. This kind of reciprocal system has completely changed my understanding of how relationships work and even though sometimes it’s hard, I’m totally enjoying putting in the effort.

Now, in my thirtieth year, I’ve encountered a whole new type of approval to strive for. On May 25^th, Brandon and I applied for Youth Mobility Visas with the Home Office of Great Britain. We planned for this and we both worked very hard to get to it for more than a year. Nearly half of the time that we’ve known each other has been spent saving and preparing for what will undoubtedly change our lives as we know them. This was the plan: If approved, we would quit our jobs, sell our cars, give up our little rental house…entirely pack up our lives here in Canada and fly away this September to live in Scotland for a year.

So we applied and set up appointments for June 20^th to go to Edmonton to complete the process with passport photos and fingerprints. And we waited.

And waited.

And while we waited, I began to realize that every kind of approval I’ve experienced in my life was all wrapped up in my application. I wanted whoever was looking at my paperwork to watch me and see me as worthy and choose me to live in their country for a year.

Our appointments went well, all our paperwork was in order and we were out of there in about 15 minutes. We were told that it would take up to 15 days for the process to be complete and our visas to be granted. But two days later, on Wednesday, June 22^nd, we received emails stating that our visas had been issued. That’s a yes! That means we’re approved! This is actually real!

What this approval means is beyond anything I’ve experienced so far. This adventure is bigger than anything I’ve ever done or ever even imagined I could do and it will open up a whole new chapter in my life and also in my relationship with Brandon. Every experience I’ve had with approval so far prepared me for that period of waiting. And now the real work begins as we plan out what our lives are going to look like for the next two and a half months.

A is for approval, but I think I’m going to start spelling it with a capital from now on. It’s much too big of a word to start with such a little letter.

Mushy

Brandon and I went to Edmonton this weekend. We drove up on Sunday when he was finished work and spent the night in the Delta downtown...thanks employee discount! We had a pretty decent dinner in the hotel that night and toasted to our two year dating anniversary. It was a great little mini-vactaion even though it was for just one night.

Then yesterday on the way home, I suddenly found myself singing You Are My Sunshine with the craziest, twangiest country accent I've ever heard. Now, there aren't many people that I will get totally silly with; I'm always much too shy to really let myself go. But there on Highway 2 just north of Bowden, as Brandon laughed and sang along, I realized how lucky I am to know him. I know that I can say and do the strangest things and he'll always be there with me to do them too.

How sweet it is to have found someone who fits just perfectly right beside me. 

Ahem.

Allow me to begin…This is my second attempt at a blog. The first was undertaken at the prompting of my best friend who was also blogging at the time. And while it was fun for a while to post photos and write about things that were happening in my life I soon got tired of it, much like I usually grow tired of journaling on paper. So after leaving it dormant for a while, I deleted it. I kind of regret that now as I can remember writing a few really fun posts and uploading some interesting photos that I have no idea what happened to.

Anyway, unlike that first attempt this blog has a specific purpose. Its existence has been planned for some time and has been promised to those who are along with me anticipating a rather large undertaking. Knowing that there are people waiting to hear from me will add a little bit of pressure that will probably serve to keep me accountable to writing. Though I can’t share the full purpose or all of the goals that I have for this blog yet, hopefully within about three weeks all will become clear.

Welcome here.